Letters from Spinoza

Hello everybody!

It’s me again! Your all-time favorite climbing philosopher. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Oh yes, I have. This week about the hard and difficult matter of grading. It is a tricky one but this time I’ve come up with an astonishing finding. Well, yes it’s true. The outcome is really outstanding: Grading is truly and utterly sick. Listen to this!

There are mainly two ways to grade a climb.

1. Facts
2. Feelings

After some hard and long thinkenings I realized that facts are superior than feelings. In fact, feelings are just silly – it’s just feelings! Compared to hard facts feelings are nothing. It’s so stupid. There are actually people using their feelings while grading!

You know those people who walk around the place with their bluetooth headseats? And, you know the way you look at them and think “twat”? Well “Feelers” is the climbing worlds equivalent of those people. Someone forged by the unholy union between Phil Collins and Genisis, squeezed into the world through the septic bottoms of Satan himself. A “Feeler” out-twats a billion wearers of bluetooth headsets. You see? This is why feeling is wrong while grading a climb. You shall just use facts.

That’s the kind of analogy that I know keeps you coming back for more, readers. I know you like it. I know I do, too. Next week I’ll present some astonishing news about my fantastic click-rate and other incredible world-records. That’s the kind of news that I know keeps you coming back for more.

Yours truly,

Bruno Spinoza